April 25, 2012
Oh, Machete.
Yeah, I bet it has been a bumpy ride for Rodney King.
Oh, Sublime.
Yes, yes they are the worst mascots because no one knows what they are!
They look like the Teletubbies retarded one-eyed cousins. They look like cyclops’ kids during their rec league games. They look like a Bizzaro version of Gumby playing sports. They look like nobody ever pays attention to Olympic mascots anyway so, who really cares?
Oh, Chad Michael Michaelson. (3:00)
“Dude, you want to get wasted?”
“Yeah, man! Totally!”
“Alright, you ready?”
“Yeah, I am ready.”
Beat.
“Dude, what are you doing with that Purell? I thought we were going to get wasted.”
“Oh, we are. You just wait.”
“Dude, why are you eating Purell? That’s disgusting.”
“Dude, this gets you RETARDED! There’s so much alcohol in this. Here, you try.”
Beat.
“No.”
“What do you mean no?”
“No. Dude, this is dumb. I’m not getting wasted off Purell. That’s gross.”
“It’s sanitizer it’s not gross.”
“It’ll kill you.”
“Everyone’s doing it.”
“Screw that. I’m gonna go get beer from my brother.”
“Fine! Later! Loser! I’m gonna have the cleanest mouth by the end of this … “
