Chicago Sun Times (Whitey Bulger’s old girlfriend gets sentenced to eight years in jail.)
Three meals a day, his mobster friends, a place to shit, a place to sleep and now his old girlfriend? Why would Whitey Bulger ever LEAVE jail?
The Guardian (The dingo ate her baby!)
So the dingo DID eat your baby!
Miami Herald (The homeless man in Miami who got his face eaten may have been shot as well. By a gun. At the same time.)
FROM NOW ON, NO DAY WILL EVER BE KNOWN AS THE WORST DAY EVERY BECAUSE UNLESS YOU GET YOUR FACE EATEN OFF AND SHOT IN THE PROCESS THEN IT’S NOT THE WORST DAY EVER.
WHO THE HELL GETS SHOT AND EATEN IN ONE INSTANCE?
WHO THE HELL SURVIVES A CANNIBAL/ZOMBIE ATTACK AND AN ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING?
EAT YOUR HEART OUT 50 CENT!
Press Release (NASA sends robot to Mars.)
NASA must’ve gotten a shit ton of pennies.
Huffington Post (Don Rickles told a black joke about President Obama.)
Of course he did.